


What You Don't See

by Grace_oliver



Category: Adventures in Odyssey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:20:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28929438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grace_oliver/pseuds/Grace_oliver
Summary: Follows the ending of "Auto Response" from album 70 "Finding a Way".
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	What You Don't See

Polehaus: Now get out of here before I change my mind. 

Buck: Thank you detective. 

Polehaus: Don't mention it. But remember what we talked about and don't- 

Buck: Don't let you see me in your office again? 

Polehaus: Yes... now get out. 

Buck: Right. 

Buck:*quietly* Hey. 

Eugene: *protective* Are you ok? What did he say to you? Tell me he apologized. 

Buck: I,heh,I-

Eugene:You know what, let’s just go home. Katrina should be home tonight. She phoned me earlier. 

Buck:*nervously* Does she know about all this?

Eugene: Who?

Buck: Katrina. Does she know about the car thing?

Eugene: I told her, yes. But of course, her and I both knew that you were innocent. 

Buck: *quietly and almost chokes it out* Eugene, can I be honest with you?

Eugene: As your legal guardian, I would have to advise you to be.

Buck: I….. took….. Connie’s…. car. 

Eugene:Buck, you were cleared by Detective Polehaus. You don’t have to pose being guilty anymore. 

Buck: No. I’m telling you. I took Connie’s car. I helped Jules,got the car started, and was gonna go to...well just…*back to quiet* go. 

Eugene:*confused then in shocked*W-what? Are you in earnest?

Buck: I am so sorry, Eugene. 

Eugene:*upset and disappointed* Why on earth would you do such a thing! 

Buck:.............

Eugene: *stern* Buck. What thought,prey tell, made you believe that that was acceptable?

Buck:.......

Eugene: *looks between Buck and the rode*Prey tell!

Buck:*raises voice out of impatience then backs down* IT’S….I can’t tell you. 

Eugene: And why not?

Buck: You wouldn’t understand. 

Eugene: As they say in the vernacular, try me. 

Eugene: Buck! 

Buck: Forget it! 

Eugene: No, tell me. 

Buck: *shouts* I CAN’T!

Eugene: WHY?!

Buck: *shouts*BECAUSE I’M AFRAID YOU’LL HATE ME!!!

Eugene:...w-w-

Buck: 

Eugene: Buck! Come back here! 

Eugene: Buck! I need you to listen to me. Where are you? Buck?

Buck: *muffled*I’m sorry Eugene….I-I’m so sorry. 

Eugene:Please open the door...come on.

Buck: You don’t want to see me. 

Eugene: Yes I do. Now open the door. Please.

Eugene: Fine. 

Buck: *very quietly* Eugene?

Eugene: Yes?

Buck: The door was never locked. 

Eugene: 

Buck: I’m sorry.

Eugene: About what?

Buck: Everything, anymore. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.

Eugene:I forgive you.I am sorry for raising my voice, as well. 

Buck: It’s ok…

Eugene: So, are you willing to explain your response in the car?

Buck: I can’t believe I actually said that. But I felt like I needed to be honest with you. 

Eugene: You do need to be honest with me, Buck. And I do not want you to feel like you need to hide things from Katrina and I. 

Buck: But if I tell you everything then you might not forgive me. 

Eugene: Nonsense. This family believes in redemption.

Buck: You guys believe in redemption. You guys can be redempted when you mess up. I can’t. 

Eugene: Yes you can. And you are. You just have to trust us.

Buck: That’s Detective told me, too. 

Eugene: *a little taken back*Detective? Detective Polehaus?

Buck: Yeah. 

Eugene: What did he say to you?

Buck: He’s been doing his job for a long time, huh? To know a person’s situation so well that they can, I don’t know, identify? With them? I had never seen that side of Detective Polehaus before. To be real, I didn’t even know it existed.

Eugene: *gently* Identify with...you?

Buck:*avoiding Eugene* I don’t really want to talk about it right now,if that’s ok with you.

Eugene:...why?

Buck:*slowly* I don’t know how to say it. 

Eugene: I told you that you can be open.

Buck: *confused and pained* No,I literally can’t describe what’s happening in my head. I-I’m just confused with myself right now. 

Eugene: I know the feeling.

***Scene Change***

Buck: You can come in, you don’t have to knock.

Katrina: Just being mindful. 

Buck:Like normal. Hey.

Katrina:*sweetly* Hi.

Katrina: Well?

Buck: Well what?

Katrina: Are you going to give me a hug or no? I haven’t seen you all week.

Buck: Heh. How was your teaching thing?

Katrina: Boring. I don’t know why I keep going back to those things they never do me any good. *subtly* It sounds like you had quite the week.

Buck: Uh yeah..about that.

Katrina:Can you tell me about it?

Buck:I don’t really want to….

Katrina: But you need to. Why did you think it was ok for you to leave school?

Buck: No one would miss me. 

Katrina: But if you got into some sort of accident no one would know where you were. 

Buck: I was on my bike but…. I know what you mean. 

Katrina: Why did you lie about the car?

Buck: I wasn’t lying. I was telling the truth, it's just no one believed me. 

Katrina: Buck I am not playing this game. 

Buck: *defensive* Neither am I. I’m telling you the truth, Katrina. 

Katrina: Then what made you think that that was ok?

Buck: I didn’t think it was ok.

Katrina: You consciously knew and yet you did it anyway? 

Buck: *quietly* Yeah.

Katrina: Ok so I ask again: why?

Katrina: Hello??

Buck: You wouldn’t understand. 

Katrina: Stop with the excuses and just tell me. 

Buck: *extremely quiet* I can’t control it.

Katrina: Control what?

Buck: *picks at nails* My mind.

Buck: Everytime I look at myself I can’t help but feel...fake. I look at the life around me and for as much as I want to fully believe that it’s all real...I..can’t.

Katrina:*concerned* What do you mean ‘fake’? Do you think our love is a lie?

Buck: Maybe. It’s happened to me before. 

Katrina: Honey-

Buck: *voice raises gradually and gets more guarded*I grew up being deceived. I know a lie when I see one. Or- I thought I did. 

Katrina: Buck listen to me-

Buck: I believed Mr. Skint when he said he loved me. I trusted every word he said. And look where that got me. *almost yelling* Why shouldn’t I tell myself that none of this is real, too?

Eugene: What is going on?

Buck: I want to believe that this life of mine is real. I want to believe that I can change. That I can forgive myself but I-I just can’t.

Eugene: Why can’t you?

Buck: *voice cracks* Because...I have convinced myself that no one will ever forgive me. I’m unlovable because of the things I’ve done.

Katrina: You know that isn’t true. We will love you no matter what. 

Buck: How can I trust that you’re telling the truth? What if you’re just saying that to my face but behind my back you actually hate me. 

Eugene: We don’t hate you.

Buck: Would you if I did something bad? Bad enough for juvie? 

Katrina: Buck no. matter. what. We will love you no matter what. Even if you do the worst thing you could think of.

Eugene: We will never cease praying for you. For our son. 

Katrina: We need you to know that. Believe that. We told you the same thing when you had the run in at the college. Don’t you remember what we said?

Katrina: Then what did we say?

Buck:*quietly* There is nothing I can do to earn y’all’s love.

Eugene: And?

Buck: There’s nothing I can do to lose it. 

Katrina: *whispering almost*Exactly. Our love isn’t a lie. You don’t have to question it.

Buck: But that’s easier said than done. 

Eugene: Buck-

Buck: I am sorry. I really am. It’s just…

Katrina:*a tad impatient* What? It’s just what? Buck we want to help you if something is wrong but you have to communicate with us.*begging* Please. It hurts me to see you like this. Just tell us what is wrong.

Buck: What do you want me to say? I told you-

Eugene: Sit.

Eugene: Spill. 

Buck: I don’t know what to sa-

Eugene: Yes you do.Suppressing your feelings won’t help you. Now out with it. 

Buck: *sheepishly* Look. All I can say is, I am not happy with myself. At all. I absolutely hate myself. There is nothing you can do to change that. And-and I keep telling myself that all this stuff. All these run ins I’ve had-Vance, the college, Jules and I taking Connie’s car, the playbook, lashing out at you guys- I keep telling myself that with everything I do you’ll just hate me more and more. E-everytime I mess up and you guys say ‘hey we still love you’ it's seems like more and more of a lie every time. < voice gradually speeds up and gets louder>So eventually I thought, ‘Hey. Why keep living in a lie when I can just get them to admit the truth. I know a lie when I see one. I thrive on lying. That’s how I survive.’  
Katrina: B-  
Buck:So I push myself into doing things that I am not proud of but I know that if ‘ they find out, they will never be able to forgive me’. *disgusted with himself* Look, I am not proud of what I’ve done. I am not proud of who I’ve become. I’ve never really been proud of who I am. Of my actions. But I can’t help myself. 

Katrina: You should be proud of yourself, though. 

Buck: Why should I?! What is there to be proud of?! What?! I am a failure. I’m a criminal. Always have. And always will be.

\--To be continued--


End file.
